Just Time for Another Jaffle
By Ashley Burke
The jaffle iron is the most important piece of ironmongery on any SUBW trip to the Blue Mountains and the jaffle is the staple food on all such trips. The jaffle iron, loaf of bread, container of butter and assortment of fillings are as much a vital part of an experienced walkerís baggage as their sleeping bag or bottle of wine. Jaffling has become a sacred institution among the clubís walkers and is as entrenched in tradition as other divinely sanctified institutions like the PBT.
All jaffle irons are round. Square jaffle irons do not exist. A square implement whose intended function is the same as a jaffle iron is called a sandwich toaster. Anyone who brings a sandwich toaster on a trip instead of a jaffle iron is violating tradition and ridiculed and ostracised until they redeem themselves by obtaining a jaffle iron. It is often recommended that club members have a backup supply of at least two jaffle irons so that if one breaks or is lost, the walker is not forced to resort to bringing a sandwich toaster. The reason for the clubís bigoted and dogmatic insistence on jaffle irons instead of sandwich toasters is simple. Tradition and principle dictate it. Practical and logical considerations are not contemplated, although there is one simple practical justification given for jaffle irons over sandwich toasters. Most jaffle fillings are of a blob like consistency or become so with heat. It is common knowledge that blobs are round. Square blobs are uncommon. Therefore jaffles should be round to accommodate their blob like ingredients more easily.
Electric sandwich toasters are a symbol of the degeneration of modern society and are regarded with contempt. In any case, the length of the power cord supplied with these gadgets is insufficient for all but the slackest trips. Jaffles are rarely eaten at home and if they are, an approved jaffle iron must be used.
A further example of the degeneration of modern society is the fact that jaffle irons are difficult to obtain whereas sandwich toasters are plentiful in camping and disposal stores. The bushwalker must scour garage sales and flea markets in the hope of snapping up that precious jaffle iron before some unknowing owner perpetrates the worst of all crimes and takes their rusty and blackened old iron to the tip or adds it to the ever increasing pile of unwanted junk at the back of their garage. Many a former jaffle iron owner has watched with furrowed eyebrows the shorts and volley clad bushwalker rummaging fervently through their belongings, casting aside valuable vases, paintings, artefacts and heirlooms only to emerge some time later gleefully brandishing a forgotten old lump of iron on which they had not even been bothered to put a price tag.
The range of possible jaffle ingredients is limited only by your imagination. The jaffle limerick below demonstrates that various walkers have become known for the way in which they cook their jaffles and the ingredients they use.
DíBoozer she was very droll
When her jaffles came out like charcoal
Her jaffles were so black-oh
She gave them to Acko
Who ate them to clog up his hole.
Dave and his tin of creamed corn
Have been walking since before we were born
Creamed corn is the go
It helps you thrive and to grow
But it hasnít done much for his horn.
Bread is normally jaffled in twos
Two slices at a time is whatís used
But the gangling git
uses three and a bit
And then spills them all over his shoes.
Airdrie looked rather bizarre
When her jaffle iron was used as a bra
The cast iron plate
Was a burdensome weight
And she could no longer walk quite as far